Friday, February 19, 2016

Notes on Healing: Frances Weller on Grief

i am continuing to take notes on talks and interviews on healing. please follow the links to listen and watch yourself. meanwhile, i have encapsulated the main ideas here.

frances weller grief

the lost art of grief
we have little knowledge in grief so this massive darkness makes our lives are small
grief is a threshold emotion—when we enter the room of grief, it opens up the rest of our lives, we enter the hall of community and joy
wm blake—the deeper the sorrow the greater the joy
compressed terrain of grief is compressed joy—creates flatline culture, where we are now
rely on stimulation and stimulants to feel alive bc we are not expressing genuine joy or grief
soul hygiene—like taking care of body etc, need to do same for soul
to clear out soul through grief
levertov—to speak of sorrow moves it to and from soul’s hall
own soulful life to soul of the world, otherwise become isolated and disconnected

communal practice of grieving
heroic culture is DIY, not need anyone or anything—muscle thru sorrow
take sadness back out into community—always been communal thru human history
part of our grief is waiting for the village to show up—can be small
I wanna tell you about my sorrow and hear about yours
nothing is broken or need fixing—just to listen deeply and say it matters

5 gates of grief
diff tributaries coming into soul
only 1st gate of loss is usu acknowledged
other 4 gates not recognized

1.     someone or thing dies—only gate acknowledged in our culture
2.     some part of us never known love—possession of anger, joy, sensuality, exuberance etc—loss to the integrity of our psyche/soul
·       we should grieve, but usually judge w contempt, then cannot grieve it
3.     sorrow for the world—daily litany of loss
4.     loss of not receiving what we expected when we arrived here—village life, connection w nature, connection w ancestors, cannot name
5.     ancestral grief—our ancestors came from intact community which was severed with arrival here, loss of traditions and language etc, advent of slavery etc are still in our bodies

compressed grief
denied grief generates rage—explosive quality
malidoma somé—cannot trust a person who cannot grieve, they become a walking powder keg in the community
military industrial complex comes from unresolved grief
all war is unmetabolized grief—martin prachtel (?)
anger is a rightful emotion stemming from violation, boundaries, injustice, protection—a necessary energy
jung—the 1st individuation comes thru mars—who I am, this is where I stand
we usu don’t develop it into a martial art—we are unskilled and need to mature anger
anger is a relational process, revelatory—I am telling you about me, what is causing me to feel deeply—leads to intimacy
intimidation is an attempt to silence a relationship, to push one away and to feel scared—rupturing relationship instead of building
healthy power and anger serves the greater good
intimidation serves the narrow interest of individ or nation—lose soulful connection

the myth of satisfaction in modern culture
we suffer from 2 sins: amnesia and anesthesia—we forget and we go numb
the brighter world goes unnoticed—then we lean into secondary satisfactions—entertainment, shopping, addictions, or even worse power, wealth, status, privilege
our culture carries secondary satisfactions around empire
we are designed to be chronically dissatisfied—hungry for next thing
like eating dust, instead of protein—that which sustains us at soul level

primary satisfactions
soul needs to feel alive—necessary touch, laughter, shared meals, condolences, stories, rituals
otherwise we are trying to fill the hole and never achieve it—secondary satisfactions increase its own symptoms over time—addiction--more use leads to more craving

one hand is grief, the other gratitude—one in each hand, creates the prayer of life

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