Wednesday, June 15, 2016

After the Massacre

my hands already full
I can hold no more
I hear the news and push it aside
so I can stand, breathe, feed myself so I don’t collapse
I stay clear of media and stay outdoors where I can see water
and canada across the way

only when I awake 2 days later
does the weight of the news drop on me
like plate glass shattering
the tears won’t stop
where is the room that can contain my screams?
where is the space that can hold my exploding heart?
how do I weather yet another storm?
who is the god that harbors me?
there is no comfort large enough
no refuge safe enough

grief is not a big enough word
for this harrowing keening raging upheaval
beyond sadness or madness
all the jars I had previously screwed tight twist open again
I’ve already burnt down all my candles and sage
what next?

I turn to you
disembodied friends, faraway souls, those I’ve never even met
expand my heart like an accordion and stretch it taut
hold my pain as I hold yours
cup your hand under my chin to bless my tears
may our love not turn bitter
may we grow bigger with each blow
more powerful and outrageous
may we never stop fighting raging dancing