[friends, i found this interview so deeply moving, i decided to sit down and take notes. i apologize for any misquotes or misunderstandings that may have slipped in. please refer to the audio and transcript for details. "i" in the notes refers to direct statements from zenju. thank you, zenju, for sharing these powerful insights. they are helping tremendously as i process my experience in the past 2 months in korea and india.]
race sexuality gender are gateways to enlightenment, peace,
harmony
dry wisdom alone is not enough to heal wounds of those
who’ve been marginalized
an effective practice must include tenderness where
conventional reality and emptiness intersect
oneness is not sameness
recognize both differences and unity
diff degrees of tenderness—complete/liberated tenderness
must understand one’s own embodiment
our embodiment is the fire we need
we come to the gateway looking for water but instead find
fire
they are gifts but not always embraced as such
eg race brings up injury, anger, fear, worry
internalized avoidance/treason—turning away from self and
the feelings
dream of being burnt, but not dying—became a fire that
sustains, not destroys
race is troubling, and that is exactly where the work is in
easing suffering in world and in self
some say “these things aren’t spiritual, I don’t want to go
there” but opp is true
“we are all one”—that is true ultimately, and that is not
where we suffer
we don’t have to make oneness happen or work on it, it
already exists
the fire of race etc is part of oneness—what we must go
through
the fire is the hurting, troubling, blinding place
eg sangha of white male hetero place
discomfort, exclusion
“now that you’re here, let’s talk about race”
rage is something always carried, from trauma, can be
reactivated
anger is over an incident
fire is to stay put in that hot place
why stay? called to the teachings
who is holding the teachings is not as important as the
lessons needed
what can I learn about myself within the container of
dharma?
interpret dharma through one’s own lived experience—not the
teacher’s
eg how do the 4 noble truths relate to my life and the
recent murder in my neighborhood? what does that mean to me?
path of dharma is most fiery
how do I respond to the chaos and racism? how do I apply the
teachings to my life?
stripping down of values and beliefs
expand in ways that I’m initially unwilling
become exposed to myself
-
meanwhile maybe exposed to others, but that’s
not where the learning is going to come—only through exposure to myself
racial stratification within poc places created by our
society
there’s still a fire there
afric amer came through slavery—a potent path that continues
to permeate society
if we ignore it, not use it as fire to transform our lives,
it will continue to be that thing we fear—the fire at the door that keeps us
trapped
I get burned but I can still live through it
must truly desire to be liberated and whole
I didn’t expect to be welcomed—I knew what I was looking
for—not sangha but dharma
assume from silence that I’m just fine
many racist incidents—most times I sit w the teachings and
ask how they relate to what I’m feeling now
not ready to address the collective bc I need to do my own
healing and own liberation work
a distraction from what I need to learn
someone else’s perspective/institutional perspective
where do I want to be? vs where someone else/sangha wants me
to be—a dance
instead of answering from a place of hurt and confusion, now
I have some answers
taking on work you are not ready for is like being in bed
with someone you hate—I would rather leave and do something else
it’s not my work to turn the titanic of institional racism
around by myself
I knew I had something to offer but did not know what
yet—for all who are yearning for spiritual path while embodied in ways that are
marginalized
there’s something going on that makes us suffer and afraid
of each other
being connected to the earth, so that when hurt happens, I
have earth beneath my feet, or when groundless, can fall on my knees onto earth
zenju = complete tenderness
an essence to work on
at first, raw and wounded space that could be paralyzing,
depression
long sitting is cooking process, wearing down
process—softness and gentleness emerge, vulnerable, not able to do anything
about anything, no action
-
a soft place, wordless, silent, just there, but
no longer paralyzed
3rd
phase—liberated tenderness, can hold the hurts, also soft, but able to act and
speak—a freedom in how you live and speak
know how to use them
as gateways to next step
not to go from tenderness to armor—toughness, stiff spine
as we get pushed to the mat (judo)—we still get up—that is
liberated judo
these cycles repeat, not linear, spiritual is circular
water and fire come together in liberated tenderness to
create earth
walking w ancestors
fire is where we start, then 2nd phase of
tenderness is water
at water we are motionless, looking at waves—water opens us
to feelings
come together to create earth, where we plant our feet
free of projections of superiority and inferiority—causes
fear of each other
need to change csns—eg affirmatv action did not change csns
how do we change csns betw us so we can achieve oneness
without keeping someone silent about race/sexuality/gender
not to write the “same thing” re r/s/g, bc it’s already done
is the dharma applicable to this life I am experiencing?
otherwise, must go outside the path to find teachings on
r/s/g
teachings within the path are all about oneness and
emptiness
we have the magnificent gift of being born with a body as
part of nature
we will miss the whole existence in this moment if we don’t
address issues of this embodiment
there’s no diploma on this path
we are all apprenticing in this life
we can stop being holy
there is perfection in all the imperfection
take it in—our own projections of infer and
superiority—notice
buddha nature/true nature/magnificence of life/being as
expansive as the ocean and as high as the tree—still present in someone I
cannot have a direct experience with
pure emotion is at the ctr of the encounter—can feel it but not
make it center stage, but not off stage either
we need to ignite each other in fire to get to the water
together—like turning a car on
we keep running away from the fire
buddha nature—you are the apple tree, but the tree doesn’t
have emotions and doesn’t withold
-
this doesn’t mean you don’t have any apples to
give
but I don’t get rid of my feelings—I hold it as I explore
buddha nature
each encounter is a chance to ignite
sometimes the car ignition gets turned on, then turned off
bc I don’t need to go on that journey
eventually that fire doesn’t get ignited—go into remission,
then maybe come back later
mark nepo—the rejuvenating fire, destructive fire, and a
hand that reaches out to help us through the fire
-
we don’t always take the hand or we burn it, bc
we don’t trust it
-
the hand is our buddha nature, our Self
perfect and imperfect—“nothing to do about it” is inaccurate
-
we are afraid of this teaching
difficult to say I’m going to be activist and follow path of
dharma—we speak about fixing things and working in opposition, then go meditate
about it
-
but not integral, bc haven’t brought the teaching
in the opposition
-
can we trust that what we are doing impacts how
we exist
must sew personal robe—can focus on bad stitches, or accept
imperfections
collective representation of liberation
what are we going to do in the crucial moments that we cannot
fix? eventually death is ultimate crucial moment
-
it’s perfect and imperfect in one moment
I trust my spiritual response to the human condition bc I
have seen it work in my life and others—I trust this energy
-
many others do not trust this—instead they trust
their agendas and methods
-
activist work needs to be done—but if we are
getting dogmatic and enraged, we are going too far into god-like position—exhausting
ourselves
-
go out and do, then come back and rejuvenate,
then go out again
we have power as living beings—as much as the caterpillar
than transforms into butterfly
inside of us is 98.6 °--lots of heat—use it to awaken us
we also have a lot of water and earth—acknowledge all of
that even in our protesting
-
then we will have a whole protest and a whole
spiritual path—it comes together
-
we don’t necessarily not do nor do
I did not take action as expected but I spoke as I needed
to, not as expected to
when people don’t feel well they want others to join—I
didn’t feel well but this was not what it would take to get well
by not acknowledging unacceptable differences we unwittingly
exaggerate difference until it screams out
-
eg rap emerging out of spoken word, murder
emerging out of injustice
-
in our sanghas there is screaming but we’re not
supposed to acknowledge—it’s all repressed, then comes out another way
as a society we are in a raw, tender palce
can we call it out in a way that it goes directly into the
heart, soul, not a mind/word/syntax game
living w chronic pain—body is screaming
I am teaching through my body instead of through just mind
and experiences
when struggling in one facet, struggling all
around—interconnection
fear of fully taking on gifts I’ve come into the world
with—bringing medicine
there is something in my body I am rejecting
journey of aging, spiritual path of embodiment is next
challenge
this leg of journey purely embodied self without the titles
and names
there is no name for what I’m becoming
what I’m becoming is not really anything—it is a dying away
it’s frightening—the horizon is short
grieving and joy
want to say less and model more
