This December, I mark my 4th anniversary of moving back to Hawai`i, my childhood home. In this time, I've had to relearn a basic skill I've been practicing since my mid-teens: driving a car.
Early on, I realized I had to slow way down. Accustomed to straight, wide open, flat roads and highways of the United States Midwest, I had to shift from 70 mph speed limits to 40-50, on the crowded, curving expressways. On local, winding, hilly roads, I had to drive even slower, to 20-30 mph. Even more important than speed, however, was the culture of driving, and changing from American driving style to Hawaiian. I've realized, more than ever, how I've been shaped by the dominant white culture as a driver.
I've been conditioned to dart in and out whenever I see an opening, move quickly, and take up space. But these habits of "getting ahead," instilled in me by my Korean immigrant parents, do not serve me in Hawai`i. In fact, I've learned, from my grandson's preschool teachers at his Hawaiian-centered preschool, that in Hawaiian culture, one never walks in front of others, crossing their path. Instead, we are to walk around and behind others. This use of space creates an altogether different dynamic.
This practice carries over into driving. When I moved from crowded, rushed, Americanized Honolulu to the windward side, all the way out to Waimānalo, a rural, heavily Hawaiian community, I had to relearn how to drive. Turning Ewa (west) from Kumuhau Street to Kalanianaole Highway, at certain times of the day or week, is only possible with aloha. Invariably a local driver will slow down and blink their lights, allowing me to turn left, and then a second driver, seeing me turn, will slow down to let me slip in front of them. All this takes about 3 seconds, no words, and several shakas. Helping each other out gets reinforced with a mini-endorphin hit.
Midwestern USA driving can feel anonymous and detached, as we sit hunched behind sealed windows, in several layers of clothing, complete with hats, gloves, and scarves. We feel distant and separate from each other. But in Hawai`i, it's too hot to hide. We're more exposed, more visible. Plus we live in the most remote place on the planet, on tiny rocks in the middle of a vast ocean. We HAVE to get along with each other.
You can tell who's a local and who's a tourist or recent settler by their driving habits. Only the locals know to slow down and watch out for others at certain intersections, while the tourists just whizz by without even noticing. Noticing one another is 90% of decolonizing our roads. I admit I'm often too distracted to notice another driver trying to enter, or a pedestrian waiting at a crosswalk. Other times I notice but am too concerned about getting somewhere on time to slow down. Decolonizing in general can be summarized in 2 words: slowing down. This requires going to bed earlier so I can wake up earlier, and take my time packing my stuff for the day. It means I have to plan, cook ahead of time, and have ingredients on hand. It means I cannot overbook or overcommit myself, because the added stress will neither serve me nor my community. I have to train myself to be on island time.
I can tell when I cross over from Waimānalo to the more gentrified and colonized neighboring town of Kailua, by the drivers. All of a sudden, there are cars darting in and out of parking lots. Even the way folks steer their shopping carts in the grocery store is different. They're more pushy, more negligent of people around them. A man stands in the middle of the aisle by the checkout, looking at his phone. Don't you know you're supposed to keep the aisle clear? I go behind him, waiting for him to notice me and move, but to no avail.
These are classic traits of white culture. But we don't have to be white to embody these traits. These values have been perpetuated through media, the military, capitalism, workplaces, corporations, and our families, to people of all races. Acting haole is not about skin color. It's about acting like a foreigner, not embodying Hawaiian culture. It takes self-awareness, discipline, commitment, and community reinforcement, to break haole habits. And it can't be just an intellectual exercise. One needs to feel the imbalances and be determined to change them.
Believe me, deconditioning and decolonizing requires continual vigilance, and I continue to falter often. I still find myself falling into old habits. I try to forgive myself quickly, and move on, hopefully not repeating the same mistakes.
The good news is I get 47-49 mpg from my 2010 Prius, instead of 44-45 mpg when I am rushing. I feel more at ease, remembering life is not a race nor a competition. I feel more comfortable wherever I am, relating to others as kin rather than adversaries.
