TURNING 50
in detroit’s unseasonably warm october rain
it’s thursday in the week of my life
hump day is over:
the transitional 40s
where I negotiated between young and old
no longer middle aged
call me elder, call me crone
whatever I’ve accomplished
it’s because I’m more than willing
to make a fool of myself
the older I get
the less I have to lose
the closer I can walk to the edge
the more willingly I embrace risk
as an essential need of my expanding soul
I ride the edge everyday
cycling to yoga in the nebulous bike lane of the boulevard
when I die
it will not be because I refuse to get mammograms
or the colonoscopy recommended for people my age
it will not be from reliance on doctors and big pharma
in my uninsured life
when I die it will be because
I am ready for the leap
into ultimate reality
when I die it will be because
I’ve completed my earthly dharma
and I yearn for a return to saturn
my children grown
everyone needs an exit strategy
some excuse to check out
I straddle eternity
one foot in the ever unfolding now
the other in the orbit of the infinite
thank god it’s holy thursday
one last rain before november snow
to wash away the chaos in my wake
all those lapses and bumbles
forgive the ways I’ve hurt you
all those moments of unconsciousness
shackled by my own shrunken self
those times I’ve forgetten
we are galaxies and dust of nebulae
when I have been unable to see
you are lightning splitting clouds open
and I am thunder rumbling through midwestern sky
turning 60 will be friday
my 70s and beyond will be the expansive
unrushed realm of saturday
so that at some point
I will slip into ether
my grip softens a bit
nothing to cling to
nothing to crave
nothing to push away
and nothing to lose
50 years old and a complete fool
